I Can't Transplant Trees

A couple trees were growing in near our fence. I liked them but worried they might affect the fence so I decided to try and transplant them to a more noticeable location.

One was a really small tree and the other was some sort of fast-growing cypress that reached 7 feet without us even really seeing it.

I spent a good couple hours digging them up, all the while noticing spiders emerging from the ground (wtf!?). My ankles got a little bit up. But it's worth it; it's for the trees.

Except I can't transplant. We have a backyard full of very sickly trees. It's ridiculous. Michelle calls me the killer of trees. She actually likened me to an Orc in Lord of the Rings.

My little tree has one leaf, and the cypress is slowly yellowing. Our crepe myrtles from a year ago are starting to catch on...we have plenty of weeds though, and even some bare patches of grass.