Beef-witted, Bleareyed, Chuckleheaded People

I can't understand some people. Most of us can follow the unspoken rules of a civilized people.

Tonight at Moe's there was a long line. We were patiently waiting it out, making some talk like every couple in front of us. I left Michelle in line and went to use the restroom, and when I came back there was a woman practically attached to Michelle's back. I inserted myself into the line again and forced this woman out of Michelle's personal airspace. Michelle looked at me, her eyes communicating 'did you see that crap?' Then the woman's mother, a very short and stout woman, came and stood with her daughter. Somehow, the mother managed to repeatedly either step on our heels or bump us--and she was looking forward! She had no control of her sway. As the line moved, slowly, we inched forward. Yet these women inched forward at a faster pace and kept bumping us.

Now, all I've done is talk of the personal space violations. But this is not all that was going on. During this they were speaking, but in extraordinarily loud voices. I felt the mothers hot breath on my back, her voice booming 'whas a Joey Bag?', and 'Should I get a MooMoo?'. I could not move forward, without starting some sort of domino effect within the line.

Those people in front of me will never realize my sacrifice.

But it just never stopped. The daughter, you see, had a child. A child that cried almost the entire time. She was apparently of the school of misthought that when a baby cries it is best to do nothing at all, except let it climb on the empty tables. The daughter eventually sat down and left her mom with instructions on what she wanted on her burrito.

But the mom forgot! She got up to the counter and had to turn around and shout across the restaurant 'what did you say? what beans? jalapenos?'. And the daughter, of course, shouted back.

While I was dishing up some salsa and tea, the child kept crying. Quite a few people were noticeably perturbed. And what was this young mother doing? She was taking huge jaw-unlocking bites of this burrito! It was not pleasant.

Then we ate, ignored them, had a nice talk. Our love grew, and we decided to go see puppies afterward.

Michelle refilled the tea once more and with her out of my line of sight I caught a horrific glimpse of this noisy mother licking her fingers clean. But not a normal lick (well, who really licks their fingers), she basically slurped on each finger down to the knuckles. That's, like, not even a part of the finger that has food on it. It was crazy.